I’m sure you guys have already heard the utterly monstrous news – Channel 4’s Naked Attraction is getting a second series.
With a world that bleak, it’s no wonder people like Donald Trump can become President of the United States. But don’t worry; we have movies. Whether you seek escapism or need to shut yourself away from unresolved inner emotional issues by diving into movies that you think tells you things about yourself you’ve never understood, we’ve got films for you.
Anyway, enough of that, we thought this may be a useful time to brush up on your post-apocalyptic dystopian tales. They might just help to prepare yourself for the years to come.
Terminator 2: Judgment Day
Nuclear holocausts are shown in still rather shocking realism in what is arguably the greatest sequel of all time. However, the most important take-home message in here is that when things get really bad, someone from the future will send back a super-powered cyborg to save us all. So things haven’t got that bad. Yet. Or the future doesn’t exist.
Cannibalism, stealing food from starving strangers and Viggo Mortensen’s beard out of shape are all things we should fear in this glance into the future. It’s sombre, and equally nerve-wracking throughout. A bit like Naked Attraction. Oh, and election night.
Mad Max: Fury Road
If your ‘best action movies of the tenties’ list doesn’t include this, you’re wrong. This fiery dystopian hellscape and full-on sensory assault is a masterpiece of filmmaking, and the glimpses of an evil overlord hoarding everything for himself and giving us scraps when he feels the need is, without wishing to alarm you, definitely how we will be spending the latter part of this century.
If your ‘best action movies of the tenties’ list doesn’t include this, you’re wrong. To make this a hat-trick, I would put John Wick on the list next, but I don’t believe any world with Keanu Reeves is capable of experiencing an apocalypse. Anarchy reigns, law means nothing and Karl Urban covers his face – this is the worst of all dystopias.
This is the story of how a man delivering post saved a post-societal America that had descended into world-ending anarchy where, harrowingly, there is no post but a lot of Kevin Costner. Tip your postman this Christmas is what I’m saying. Stuff could get bleak.
10 Cloverfield Lane
When the fires begin on the farms and the Mary Elizabeth Winsteads flee the urban centres, this is the future that we have to look forward to – a cosy basement where we all really need to learn to be more grateful to John Goodman.
I Am Legend
If you need a refresher course in how to survive badly CGI-ed monsters, this isn’t the movie for you. This is, however, a crash course in how not to survive an apocalypse as Will Smith’s Robert Neville makes every wrong choice and blunders around with no self-awareness for two hours. It may also be a commentary on how the apocalypse will be started, mind.
This hellscape imagines a world where the only hope for survival is the 7.33 Southern Train from Brighton to London Victoria. The elites live freely while the poor suffer and eat each other. There’s a rebellion. A lot of people die. The world’s still over at the end of it.
Trash reigns and cute robots make friends in this reality, where we are forced to escape our hell hole in spaceships, only to be manipulated by an evil computer system, return to earth and ruin it for the robots. God, I hope we lose the apocalypse.
White people living on the last island remaining on earth must maintain the illusion of happiness by singing joyless songs through broken smiles and pretending everything is alright. This is despite deep down knowing the crushing reality of misery and life around them is soon to clamp down on their last vestiges of hope and end life as they know it. Also, Pierce Brosnan sings. Suddenly Trump doesn’t seem that bad.
Which movies will you be watching to console yourself after the election result? Which movies do you think Trump himself will be watching? Let me know in the comments section.