UK Release Date: 12th April 2013
Runtime: 85 minutes
Director: Malcolm D Lee
Writer: Pat Proft, David Zucker
Starring: Ashley Tisdale, Simon Rex, Terry Crews, Charlie Sheen, Lindsay Lohan
Synopsis: The story of a suburban couple and strange kids brings together a number of modern horror movies for the latest entry in the spoof franchise.
The only thing Scary Movie 5 has going for it is that it is right up to the minute. Spoofing films like Mama and Evil Dead, it’s playing across the multiplex hallway from a number of the works that it is attempting to lampoon. It’s just a shame that Scary Movie 5 is such a severe waste of time for all involved.
Trailers have focused, probably wisely, on the opening sequence featuring Charlie Sheen and Lindsay Lohan as exaggerated versions of their ‘real-life’ personas. The trailer is a bit of a cheat, seeing as both characters disappear after the knuckle-clawingly awkward opening sequence.
From then on, it’s business as usual… but a bit lazier. Most of the film plays out as Paranormal Activity with dick jokes, taking in the modern ‘things that go bump in the house’ horror craze (it’s getting irritating) and recent hits such as Inception, Black Swan and Rise of the Planet of the Apes. Every joke is obvious, puerile and hugely unimaginative. There isn’t a single moment in Scary Movie 5 that justifies it being made.
Also, the combination of gags about brand new horror films and gags about blockbusters and awards contenders from a few years ago is slightly jarring. Whilst Mama is ripe for parody at the moment, jokes about Inception are becoming very tired indeed… much like the rest of Scary Movie 5. There’s only so many times a scene can end with a frying pan in the face.
In the lead role, Ashley Tisdale comes across as vapid and uninteresting, looking like a poor man’s Penny from The Big Bang Theory. She is almost as bland as the script and definitely doesn’t have the dramatic or comedic skill to lead any film. Hopefully this utter disaster will ensure that casting teams keep her away from more interesting projects than Scary Movie 5. By which I mean all projects that don’t involve assault by frying pan.
The problem that the Scary Movie films, and indeed a lot of franchises nowadays, have is that they just don’t know when to stop. Only the early Scary Movie films were really worth anyone’s time and now they’re just a bit of a joke. Except no-one’s laughing any more.
As sad as I am at the death of Roger Ebert, I’m glad he didn’t have to see Scary Movie 5. He’d have probably hit himself on the head with a frying pan.
Do you agree with my review? Let me know in the comments section.